"I have but little to say this morning. Of
course I feel that I am upon the brink of eternity; and the solemnities of
eternity should rest upon my mind at the present. I have made out - or
have endeavored to do so - a manuscript, abridging the history of my life.
This is to be published. In it I have given my views and feelings with
regard to all these things.
I feel resigned to my
fate. I feel as calm as a summer morn, and I have done nothing
intentionally wrong. My conscience is clear before God and man. I am ready
to meet my Redeemer and those that have gone before me, behind the veil.
I am not an infidel. I
have not denied God and his mercies.
I am a strong believer
in these things. Most I regret is parting with my family; many of them are
unprotected and will be left fatherless. When I speak of these things they
touch a tender chord within me. I declare my innocence of
ever doing anything designedly wrong in all this affair. I used my utmost
endeavors to save these people.
I would have given
worlds, were they at my command, if I could have averted that calamity,
but I could not do it.
It seems I have to be
made a victim - a victim must be had, and I am the victim. I am sacrificed
to satisfy the feelings - the vindictive feelings, or in other words, am
used to gratify parties.
I am ready to die. I
trust in God. I have no fear. Death has no terror. Not a particle of
mercy have I asked of the court, the world, or officials to spare my life.
I do not fear death, I
shall never go to a worse place than I am now.
I have said it to my
family, and I will say it today, that the Government of the
sacrifices their best friend. That is saying a great deal, but it is true
- it is so.
I am a true believer in
the gospel of Jesus Christ, I do not believe everything that is now being
taught and practiced by Brigham Young. I do not care who hears it. It is
my last word - it is so. I believe he is leading the people astray,
downward to destruction. But I believe in the gospel that was taught in
its purity by Joseph Smith, in former days. I have my reasons for it.
I studied to make this
man's [Brigham Young] will my pleasure for thirty years. See, now, what I
have come to this day!
I have been sacrificed
in a cowardly, dastardly manner.
I cannot help it. It is
my last word - it is so.
Evidence has been
brought against me which is as false as the hinges of hell, and this
evidence was wanted to sacrifice me. Sacrifice a man that has waited upon
them, that has wandered and endured with them in the days of adversity,
true from the beginning of the Church! And I am now singled out and am
sacrificed in this manner! What confidence can I have in such a man! I
have none, and I don't think my Father in heaven has any.
Still, there are
thousands of people in this Church that are honorable and good hearted
friends, and some of whom are near to my heart. There is a kind of living,
magnetic influence which has come over the people, and I cannot compare it
to anything else than the reptile that enamors his prey, till it
captivates it, paralyzes it, and it rushes into the jaws of death. I
cannot compare it to anything else. It is so, I know it, I am satisfied of
I regret leaving my
family; they are near and dear to me. These are things which touch my
sympathy, even when I think of those poor orphaned children.
I declare I did nothing
designedly wrong in this unfortunate affair. I did everything in my power
to save that people, but I am the one that must suffer.
Having said this I feel
resigned. I ask the Lord, my God, if my labors are done, to receive my